The Blonde Zone!
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Well, in the interest of not really confusing the blonds visiting the page, here are a few of my personal favorite blond jokes. Please use the Mail link to submit your jokes for considerstion, and please make sure to include your name so I can properly credit you for your submission!
A blonde says to a brunette, ''Excuse me, but each time I sip
my coffee, my eye seems to hurt.''
The brunette says, ''Well maybe you should take the spoon out
of the cup.''
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A blonde was having sharp pains in her side.
The doctor examined her and said, ''You have acute
appendicitis.''
The blond yelled at the doctor...
''I came here to get medical help, not get a stupid
compliment!!''
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A blonde got a dent in her car and took it in to the repair
shop.
The repairman, noticing that the woman was a blonde, decided
to have a wee bit of fun.
So he told her all she had to was take it home and blow in
the tailpipe until the dent popped itself out.
After 15 minutes of this, the blonde's blonde friend came
over and asked what she was doing.
"I'm trying to pop out this dent, but it's not really
working."
"Duh. You have to roll up the windows first!"
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Q: What's five miles long and has an IQ of forty?
A: A blonde parade..
Q: How does a blonde get pregnant?
A: And I thought blondes were dumb!
Q: Why is it okay for blondes to catch cold?
A: They don't have to worry about blowing their brains out.
Q: How does a blonde kill a fish?
A: She drowns it.
Q: Did you hear about the blonde who tried to blow up her husband's car?
A: She burned her lips on the tailpipe.
I told my blonde girlfriend that I was going skeet shooting. She told me she didn't know how to cook them.
Author's note: I don't actually have a blonde girlfriend. Not before I wrote this page, and certainly won't have one now!!!
Q: Why don't blondes like making KOOL-AID?
A: Because they can't fit 8 cups of water in the little packet.
Q: How do you give a blonde a brain transplant?
A: Blow in her ear.
Q: Why can't blondes put in light bulbs?
A: They keep breaking them with the hammers.
Q: What is the mating call of a blonde?
A: I'm soooo drunk
Q: What is the mating call of a brunette?
A: Is that damn blonde gone yet?
Q: Why did the blonde climb the chain-link fence?
A: To see what was on the other side.
A painting contractor was speaking with a woman about her job. In the first room she said she would like a pale blue. The contractor wrote this down and went to the window, opened it, and yelled out "GREEN SIDE UP!".
In the second room she told the painter she would like it painted in a soft yellow. He wrote this on his pad, walked to the window, opened it, and yelled "GREEN SIDE UP!".
The lady was somewhat curious but she said nothing. In the third room she said she would like it painted a warm rose color. The painter wrote this down, walked to the window, opened it and yelled "GREEN SIDE UP!".
The lady then asked him, "Why do you keep yelling 'green side up'?". "I'm sorry," came the reply. "But I have a crew of blondes laying sod across the street.
Q: What does a blonde make best for dinner?
A: Reservations.
Q: What do you call a blonde wearing a leather jacket
A: Rebel without a clue.
Q: Why don't blondes breastfeed their babies?
A: It hurts too much when they boil their nipples.
Q: What do you call 10 blondes at the bottom of the pool?
A: Air pockets.
Q: Why do blondes hate M&Ms?
A: They're too hard to peel.
A blonde and a brunette are skydiving. The brunette jumps out the plane and pulls the cord - nothing happens. She pulls the emergency cord and still nothing. The blonde jumps out of the plane and yells "Oh! So you wanna race, huh?"
Q: What does "Bones" McCoy say before he performs brain surgery on a blonde?
A: "Space. The final frontier......"
Q: What's brown and red and black and blue?
A: This author if KntryGrl ever gets her hands on him!!
Q: What can strike a blonde without her even knowing it?
A: A thought.
Q: How many blondes does it take to play Hide and Seek?
A: One.
Q: Why couldn't the blonde write the number ELEVEN ?
A: She didn't know what ONE came first...
Two blondes were working on a house. The one who was nailing down
siding, would reach into her nail pouch, pull out a nail and either toss
it over her shoulder or nail it in. The other blonde, figuring this was
worth looking into, asked, "Why are you throwing those nails away?"
The first blonde explained, "If I pull a nail out of my pouch and it's
pointed TOWARD me I throw it away 'cause it's defective. If it's pointed
toward the HOUSE, then I nail it in!"
The second blonde got completely irritated and yelled, "You MORON!!!
The nails pointed toward you aren't defective! They're for the OTHER
side of the house!!"
Thanks Cinder5683!!!
Q: What do you call a blonde with 90% of her intelligence gone?
A: Divorced.
Q: How many blondes does it take to play tag?
A: One.
Q: What do you call four Blondes in a Volkswagon?
A: Far-from-thinkin
Q: How many blondes does it take to screw the entire Bengals team?
A: Just One... Boomer Esiason.
Ok, that's more of a football joke, but what the heck!!
Q: What do you call a blonde with half a brain?
A: Gifted!
Q: How do blonde braincells die?
A: Alone.
Q: What do you call a blonde with 2 brain cells?
A: Pregnant.
Q: What do you call it when a blonde dies their hair brunette?
A: Artificial intelligence.
Q: Why do blondes wash their hair in the sink?
A: Because, that's where you're supposed to wash vegetables!
Q: When does a brunette have 1/2 of a brain?
A: After a dye job.
A blonde got on a plane, and immediatly sat down in the front of the plane, ignoring her seating assignment. The flight attendant went to her, and told her she needed to move to her assigned seat. The blonde replied, "I'm blonde, I'm beautiful, and I'm going to Hawaii".
The flight attendant then summoned the head flight attendant for assistance. The head flight attendant went to the blonde, and requested she move to her assigned seat, at which point the blonde responded,"I'm blonde, I'm beautiful, and I'm going to Hawaii"
The head flight attendant then went to the flight deck, and informed the captain of her problem. The Captain assured her he knew exactally how to deal with the blonde, and went to her seat. The Captain leaned over, and wispered to in the blonde's ear, and she promptly moved to her assigned seat.
The head flight attendant was amazed, and asked the captain what he had said to her to get her to move so easily.
The captain responded, "I simply told her that the front part of the plane was not going to Hawaii"!
Q: Why do blondes wear their hair up?
A: To catch everything that goes over their heads.
Q: Why is it good to have a blonde passenger?
A: You can park in the handicap zone.
Q: What was the blonde psychic's greatest achievment?
A: An IN-body experience!
Q: How do you make a blonde's eyes light up?
A: Shine a flashlight in their ear.
Q: How do you get a blondes eyes to twinkle?
A: Shine a torch in her ears.
Q: Why should blondes not be given coffee breaks?
A: It takes too long to retrain them.
The blonde went into the hairdresser's wearing a Walk-Man. She sat down in the chair, and the first thing the hairdresser said was, "You will have to remove the Walk-Man, or I won't be able to fix your hair". This agitated the blonde, and only after much coaxing could she be convinced to remove the headset. She quickly settled down after removing them, and the hairdresser proceeded to fix her hair. When she was all done, she attempted to wake the blonde, who appeared to have fallen asleep. After several shakings, she finally realized that the blonde was not asleep, but dead!! The hairdresser them put the headphones on, and turned the tape in the Walk-Man on. She then understood what had happened to the blonde as she heard in her ears, "Breathe in....Breathe out...Breathe in....Breathe out"
Q1 How can you tell if a blonde's been using the computer?
A: There's white-out on the screen.
Q2: How can you tell if another blonde's been using the computer?
A: There's writing on the white-out.
Q: What did the blonde think of the new computer?
A: She didn't like it because she couldn't get channel 9.
Q: How do you kill a blonde?
A: Put spikes in their shoulder pads.
Q: How do blondes pierce their ears?
A: They put tacks in their shoulder pads.
Q: Why don't blondes eat pickles?
A: Because they can't get their head in the jar.
Q: Why don't blondes eat bananas?
A1: They can't find the zipper.
A2: They cant find the pull tab.
Q: How did the blonde die ice fishing?
A: She was run over by the zambonis machine.
A blonde decided she wanted to try ice fishing, so she got the equipment she needed and off to the ice she went. She picked out a likely spot and began cutting the necessary hole in the ice for her line. All of a sudden a voice came from above and said:
THERE ARE NO FISH THERE!!
She looked around and didn't see anybody, so she continued cutting the hole in the ice. Again the voice boomed from above her:
THERE ARE NO FISH THERE!!
Again she looked around and saw nobody, so back to making her hole she went. Once again the voice boomed from above:
THERE ARE NO FISH THERE!!
The blonde looked up and said, "God, is that you telling me this is not a good place to fish? The voice boomed back from above:
NO, THIS IS THE MANAGER OF THE SKATING RINK!!!
Q: Why do blondes drive BMWs?
A: Because they can spell it.
Three women were about to be executed. One brunette, one redhead, and a
blonde. The guard brought the first woman, the brunette, forward and the
executioner asked if she had any last requests. She said, "no," and the
executioner shouted "Ready... Aim..." and suddenly the brunette yelled,
"EARTHQUAKE!" Everyone was startled and looked around. She escaped.
So they brought up the redhead and asked if she had any last requests. She said,"no," and the executioner shouted, "Ready.. Aim.." and suddenly the redhead yelled, "TORNADO!" Everyone was startled and looked around. She escaped.
Well, by now the blonde had it all figured out. They brought her forward and
the executioner asked if she had any last requests. She said, "no," and the
executioner shouted, "Ready.... Aim...." and the blonde yelled, "FIRE!"
Thanks Again, Cinder5683!!!
Q: Why do blondes have TGIF on their shoes?
A: Toes Go In First.
Q: What do you call a brunette with a blonde on either side?
A: An interpreter.
Q: What do you call a blonde between two brunettes?
A: A mental block.
Q: What does a blonde say when you blow in their ear?
A: "Thanks for the refill!"
Q: What is it called when a blonde blows in another blonde's ear?
A: Data transfer.
Q: What's a blonde's favourite wine?
A: "Daaaddy, I want to go to Miaaami!"
Q: What do you call a basement full of blondes?
A: A wine cellar.
Q: What do you do when a blonde throws a hand grenade at you?
A: Pull the pin and throw it back.
Q: Why did the blonde keep a coat hanger in her back seat?
A: In case she locks the keys in her car.
Q: Why did the blonde try and steal a police car?
A: She saw "911" on the back and thought it was a Porsche.
Q: Why did the blonde get so excited after she finished her jigsaw puzzle in only 6 months?
A: Because on the box it said From 2-4 years.
Q. Why did the blonde stare at the can of frozen orange juice for two hours?
A. Because the can said "concentrate" on it.
Q: How do you make a blonde laugh on Saturday?
A: Tell her a joke on Wednesday.
A blonde goes into a store and sees a shiny object. She asks the clerk, "What is that shiny object?" The clerk replies, "That is a thermos." The blonde then asks, "What does it do?" The clerk responds, "It keeps hot things hot and it keeps keeps cold things cold." The blonde says, "I'll take it!" The
next day, she walks into work with her new thermos. Her blonde boss sees her and asks, "What is that shiny object you have?" She said, "It's a thermos."
The boss then says, "What does it do?" She replies, "It keeps hot things hot
and cold things cold." The boss said, "Wow, what do you have in it?" The
blonde replies, "Two cups of coffee and a popsicle."
Yet another great submission by Cinder5683!!!
Q: How do you plant dope?
A: Bury a blonde.
Q: How do you get a one-armed blonde out of a tree?
A: Wave to her.
Q: How do you confuse a blonde?
A: You don't. They're born that way.
Q: How did the blonde break her leg raking leaves?
A: She fell out of the tree.
Q: How did the blonde die drinking milk?
A: The cow fell on her.
Q: How did the blonde burn her nose?
A: Bobbing for french fries.
Q: How can you tell when a FAX had been sent from a blonde?
A: There is a stamp on it.
Q: How can you tell if a blonde is a good cook?
A: She gets the pop tarts out of the toaster in one piece.
Q: Why do blondes like lightning?
A: They think someone is taking their picture.
Q: Why don't blondes make good pharmacists?
A: They can't get the bottle into the typewriter.
Q: Santa Claus, the Tooth Fairy, a dumb blonde, and a smart blonde are walking down the street when they spot a $10 bill. Who picks it up?
A: The dumb blonde! because, there is no such thing as Santa Claus, the tooth fairy, or a smart blonde.
A2: None of them, two don't exist and the dumb blonde thought it was a gum wrapper.
Q: If a blonde and a brunette are tossed off a building, who hits the ground first?
A: The brunette. The blonde has to stop to ask for directions.
Q: Why are there no dumb brunettes?
A: Peroxide.
Well, here is the place for you to submit your jokes, and or suggestions. (note, and suggestions involving this page and body orifices will be ignored!) please email me
HERE
If you are not to mad at me, click to go back to
Cliff's Place